Have you known this?
Restless, unrelenting, unknown....
How many passions of this world
Will fail me?
How many experiences will I romanticize?
People and places that are not my own.
Corrugated tin leaning one against another
A desperate denial
A dance in the street
An amazing view
Framed by the unreachable dreams of a dying, fighting community
In the lines of razor wire keeping hope out.

And I will return to mt home
Where I will inevitably turn to curse
No one to feel me
All sitting on their couches night after rehearsed night
Entranced by glorious images of their TV's.

I will shout
I will dance
I will rebel
But they will hardly blink
And I will feel hemmed in
And I will feel them take hold of my newness
And I will resent their taking it
And I will look for some far off place
To give my gifts to
To a people who really 'deserve' them
And I will not be released from this ever growing cycle
Of reaching past myself to those stars that I know I can reach!
Everytime,
What I grasp becomes brighter
More beautiful
Terribly frustrating, frightening
And drastically forever.

Maybe by mistake on my part
I fumble
I teeter on the edge
Only to have to let go of the stars
Finding myself holding tightly with eyes closed
To THE Morning Star

Purposefully unsatisfied?
To be transformed into the stars I so admire?
Or just missing the obvious brilliancy
Of the mirrored glory
When I find my gaze locked on You?

So give me restless
Unrelenting and unknown
If it leads me to be disappointed
By all but You

All but You.

-written April 28, 2005